Fallout Boy is suiting my mood today.
I am so ready for summer to be over. I'm being forced to be inside in a worse way than snow ever did to me. Living for winter is totally throwing off my circadian rhythm. My inclination is to greet May with something close to ecstacy and October with something akin to dread. Right now I just wish to fast foward to, say, November 16th. That's a Friday. In November. When it will likely be in the 80's here. The 80's are acceptable when one is writing from 112. I would wish it even cooler, though... say the 50's that November represents in Maine.
Sigh.
I wish that when I shut the house down for the night (lights out, doors locked, TV off, etc.) it
stayed that way. Instead I usually wake up (am awakened) several times in the night and discover Michael watching TV, talking on the phone, talking to
other people in my house in the middle of the night, fixing food in the kitchen, going in and out of the back door a MILLION times a night because he's a dirty nasty smoker... at all hours. Today when Calvin's cell went off at 5:00 a.m. (GROWL), the TV in the living room was still on. The thing is, I can't sleep in a settled manner knowing that there are still people coming and going and stirring and MAKING NOISE all through the night. Will the front door still be locked, the garage door closed? Will someone accidentally let the cat out? Will I emerge from my bedroom at 2:00 in the morning in order to scold the noise-maker, only to discover three or four strangers along with said noise-maker? My home is not my own, and it's really frickin' getting to me.
I am doing purposeful things to adjust my state of mind. Today at lunch I walked the route through the campus buildings (see aforementioned note about having to stay inside, grumpety grump) and listened to my iPod. I just had to get away from my desk, because people (for some strange reason) are straight PISSING ME RIGHT OFF TODAY. The tedium of my job sometimes grips me in such an overwhelming manner that I am extremely close to giving in to the temptation to scream my head off, right here in the middle of the cubicle jungle. Or else I will kill that annoying cubicle neighbor of mine that talks at the top of his lungs all day every day and condescends to every person that he communicates with. Or maybe I'll send that nasty-gram BEFORE proof reading it, walking away, walking back, reading it again, saving it without sending it, walking away, walking back, editing it to remove all the references to "fucker" and "shithead" and "total complete asshat", and sending a final and much more professionally acceptable version.
Calvin is having, if anything, a much worse day (and week, actually), than I am. We have once again talked and dreamed of selling everything, leaving Arizona, and living off the land somewhere. Perhaps work for a convenience store. Grow our own food. Learn to like the taste of squirrel. Somewhere with fresh air and peaches. Something, anything, to end this rat race that we are currently enduring. We know we are blessed with great jobs that support our lovely home. But really, a double-wide out in the woods somewhere is starting to look MIGHTY appealing.
Technically, I own the land in Maine that my sister and her family currently reside upon. I could blaze a driveway and dig a well and set up shop right next door to them, and regale you all with tales of our mighty fine adventures. With the naked dancing around the bonfire with the beer and the chickens. Ay-yup.
Current "Fave" iPod playlist:
The (After) Life of the Party - Fallout Boy
Animal - Def Leppard
Black Sweat - Prince
Born to Run - Springstein
Dancing Queen - Abba
Shipping up to Boston - Dropkick Murphys
Everyday - Dave Matthews
Eyes - Rogue Wave
Girlfriend - Avril Lavigne
Glory Days - Springstein
Guitar - Prince
Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's
Hot in the City - Billy Idol
I Don't Wanna Be In Love - Good Charlotte
I Love a Rainy Night - Eddie Rabbit
I'm a Loser Baby - Beck
Makes Me Wonder - Maroon Five
Me Love - Sean Kingston (thanks to Marie for that one!)
Move Along - All American Rejects
Number One in Heaven - Nemesis
Oh, It's Love - Hellogoodbye
On the Dark Side - Eddie and the Cruisers
Read My Mind - The Killers
Scotty Doesn't Know - Lustra (Eurotrip Soundtrack)
Short Skirt/Long Jacket - Cake
So Alive - Love and Rockets
Steal My Sunshine - Len
The Story - Brandi Carlile
Sunday Mornings - Maroon Five
Thanks for the Memories - Fallout Boy
This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race - Fallout Boy
Turn on Me - The Shins
The Way You Make Me Feel - Michael Jackson
Where Does the Good Go - Tegan and Sara (my new favorite song)
Word Up - Korn
Labels: headspace, home, insomnia, music, work
