Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Update your URL's!

Hi, gang!

Snerkology has moved over to WordPress. Your new URL is http://snerkology.wordpress.com/. Please update your bookmarks! All blogs, archives, and previous incarnations of Snerkology are still (and as far as I'm concerned, always will be) available for your entertainment.

Thanks for being loyal readers!

Love,

Laura

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Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Update

I talked to my sister last night. CPS inspected their home and found nothing wrong, and then they went to the kids' schools (three different schools for four kids), pulled them out of class, and interviewed them. My sister got a call later and the rep said that she had "four delightful children". All concerns have been dropped, and now CPS is following up on the false allegations.

Damn skippy.

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Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Hey guys...

... I have a hankering to start writing for some collabs again. Anybody know of any that are still alive and kicking? E-mail me or leave a comment. Thanks!

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Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Le sigh.

Today, I am tired.

Also, someone stole the clock from my desk at work.

People, in general, suck. Thieves, specifically, can bite me.

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Friday, November 16, 2007

Vacation: Day .5

I want to move this site to Moveable Type. Blogger has been a royal pain in the ass lately. But because I FTP my entries and store them on Dreamhost instead of using Blogger as my domain, I can't just import my entries to Moveable Type. Anybody have any suggestions, advice, recommendations? I want to use this domain URL instead of changing locations yet *again* (I'm sure you all have had enough of that nonsense, and I'm spread out enough over the internet with four different locations). I really like the features that MT has to offer. Sigh. The conundrums of a webmistress.

I left work today at 11:30, came home and ate lunch while watching "Private Practice", then got gas, got the truck washed, picked up some goodies at BevMo, and went to Pets Inc. to get critters for the critters. Then I took a nap, woke up in time to greet Calvin, and now we're sitting on the couch watching nature take its course in the form of the Discovery Channel, and Kali making short work of the rat we dropped in her vivarium (I won't feed the rat to her, so it was languishing in its box until Calvin could perform the necessary). He's got a 2 Below and I've got a Snakebite.

Not a bad way to start my vacation.

Jen is rather put out that I have abandoned her to work alone next week (all two days, and one TC day for her, so she should just hush I think), so I need to ensure that I'm on Google IM and updating on this site often enough to keep her entertained. Since she's one of the only things allowing me to keep my sanity at work, it would be well of me to keep her happy. (She took my picture today. I suspect things.)

Instead of having our own Thanksgiving at home this year, we are going to the Grandparents for dinner. So my Massive Menu From Hell is reduced to two pies and a batch of four bean salad. Easy peasy. I still intend to cook new dinner dishes and dessert dishes throughout the week; I am perhaps more interested in cooking now that I have less to do.

Tonight is Friday, though, so that means fast food. Time enough to get ambitious tomorrow.


Momentary Thought: I poured my Snakebite incorrectly. For the next glass I will pour the Guinness first and then the Strongbow.
High: I'm on vacation until the 26th, and the first day back to work is my telecommute day.
Low: I'm not skinny. See also, "Momentary Thought".
Obsession: The last two discs of season two of "Bones" that's waiting for me from Netflix in the mailbox.
Grin: See "High".
Playing: The Discovery Channel.
Location: Living room.

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Dangit.



Still not cool enough.

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Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Yet another day in the life

I periodically like to record a "day in the life" entry. I like to go back and compare them and see what's the same, what's different, and what is proof positive that I am VERY FIRMLY set in my ways. (For instance, compare today's entry to this one, or this one.)

5:30 a.m. - Alarm goes off for Calvin. I grunt and roll over.

6:18 a.m. - Calvin's phone rings. And rings. He comes running in from the other room to answer it. I grunt and roll over.

6:25 a.m. - Calvin kisses me goodbye. I grunt and roll over.

6:36 a.m. - Zoe prrrrowts in my ear. And touches me on the face with her wet nose. And pat-pats me on my face with her paw. And reminds me of this entry. I scritch her and roll over.

6:40 a.m. - Oz jumps up on the bed. Zoe beats me to death trying to dive off the bed, and under it. Oz follows.

6:40:15 a.m. - Growl. Hiss. Growl.

6:40:25 a.m. - HISS. GROOOOWWWWLLL. SPAT!

6:40:30 a.m. - I holler at the cats and thump the headboard. One runs out, I don't see which but I assume it's Zoe.

6:50 a.m. - Zoe prrrrowts in my ear. And touches me on the face with her wet nose. And pat-pats me on my face with her paw. I squint at the clock, debate getting up 10 minutes early. Dismiss it as a bad idea.

7:05 a.m. - The alarm goes off again. I mutter something that sounds like, "This is bullshit." I turn off the alarm, start the shower.

7:05 - 7:15 a.m. - Wash face, shampoo, conditioner, wash body, rinse rinse rinse, dry. Pick out and put on clothes (blue jeans, white T, maroon zip-up hoodie, socks, sneakers).

7:15 - 7:20 a.m. - Acquire coffee. Coooooffffffeeeeee. Take vitamins and prescriptions.

7:20 - 7:40 a.m. - Hold conversation with Zoe (who likes to sit on the edge of the tub while I perform my ablutions) while moussing and combing out hair, moisturizing face, cleaning out ears, putting on deodorant, putting on makeup, drying and styling hair, brushing teeth.

7:40 - 7:55 a.m. - Put water in snake's tank, turn on waterfall and UV light. Put water in dog's dish outside, give them a cookie and pets all around. Put canned food in dish in Oz's closet, put canned food in Zoe's dish in the weight room. Fill up indoor water dish. Shred summer squash and tear up dandelion greens, put a handful in Cheeto's dish and a handful in Lucy's dish. Turn off A/C, lock bedroom doors, defrost two slices of spelt bread and slather with cream cheese, put in baggie and then in work bag. Take pork chops out of the freezer to thaw for dinner tonight. Grab bag, keys, badge, out the door and in the truck and on the way to work.

7:55 - 8:00 a.m. - Drive to work. Listen to one of the TUS mix CD's.

8:00 - 8:10 a.m. - Get to desk, put down bag, dock and start up laptop, grab water cup and tea mug, rinse them out in the bathroom, head down to the cafeteria to fill up water cup and get hot water and honey for tea, head back to my desk, log into the network, put tea bag in hot water, settle down with my baggie 'o breakfast.

8:10 - 8:30 a.m. - Answer e-mails, eat breakfast.

8:30 - 9:00 a.m. - Start this journal entry and update with morning activities.

9:01 a.m. - Stop! Potty time!

9:05 a.m. - Start balancing checkbook and paying bills.

9:15 - 9:35 a.m. - Life is interrupted by an AcronymCo fire drill. Lights flashing! Alarms blaring! People filing out of the fire exits like lemmings! Lots of standing around in the parking lot while the building sweep is conducted. Then, more filing! More lemmings! Aaaaaand I'm back at my desk.

9:35 - 9:40 a.m. - Take a phone call and answer questions.

9:40 - 10:30 a.m. - Resume paying bills and balancing checkbook. Run a Quicken report to show Calvin how much money we spend on groceries and on going out to eat. Boggle a bit.

10:30 - 11:00 a.m. - Enough of that nonsense. Answer e-mails, place PO's, field phone calls (hi, Calvin!), get annoyed by a new cube neighbor moving into our territory, NOT OF OUR GROUP. Grr.

11:05 a.m. - Stop! Potty time!

11:07 - 11:15 a.m. - Go down to the cafeteria, procure a Caesar salad, stand in the LOOOOOONG line forever as the POS system dials out for each individual credit card transaction. Contemplate that the flow of purchases is faster with cash, in direct contradiction to the current Visa commercials.

11:15 - 11:25 a.m. - Back at my desk, start to eat, phone rings. Chat with Calvin. He tells me things about an FX 40 and a Niagra something and sensors and whatnot. I'm lost.

11:25 a.m. - 12:05 p.m. - Continue eating. Read Bitchypoo. Peruse ICHC. Read Dysfunction Junction. Read Chaos Theory. Check in on Laurell K. Hamilton. Read 6YearMed. Read Because I Said So. Read Crazy Aunt Purl. Read Miss Britt. Determine that I shall use the phrase, "What le fuck?" in the near future. Read Avitable. Read BurtsStache. Pry off my wedding ring, take off my watch, apply hand lotion. Put ring and watch back on. Read Sunday Undies. Update this entry.

12:05 - 12:25 p.m. - Turn, with a sigh, back to the 140 e-mails awaiting response, deletion, and/or categorization in my in-box. Method involves sorting e-mails by subject to group all of the FW's and RE:'s and RE:RE:RE's together to find the latest message in the string, and delete the others. Manage to weed e-mails down to 87 by using this method. Then I start back in chronological order, oldest first, and disseminate as appropriate.

12:25 - 12:30 p.m. - Recall something Calvin mentioned to me, and check Hotmail. See message from Maine Lobster Direct about a deal on live lobsters. Place our Christmas dinner order (6 1-1/4 pounders, 4 lbs of king crab legs) for nearly $80 less than I was expecting.

12:30 - 12:35 p.m. - Update this entry some more.

12:35 - 12:50 p.m. - Do work stuff: run consignment inventory usage report for the last 12 months for one of my suppliers; approve request for new part number to be added to inventory; set up new part number in the stockroom database.

12:50 - 12:55 p.m. - Stop! Potty time! Grab a piece of candy from the dish on the admin's desk on my way back.

12:55 - 1:40 p.m. - Do more work stuff: Check my queue for any purchase orders that need to be placed, find three and submit them; dig out iPod and headphones to combat the boredom ("I believe it's time for me to fly..."); take pain pills to combat the headache I've had since I woke up, curse being a woman; terminate a requisition; ("I've heard people say that... too much of anything is no good for you..."); weed through e-mails some more, enlist a CM's assistance for an issue with a non-responsive supplier; ("Tell me whatcha eat, I might cook for you..."); determine if a discontinued chemical is going to effect the factory; ("Spent my days with a woman unkind... smoked my stuff and drank all my wine..."); request a quote from a vendor for a needed part; ("Welcome to your life... there's no turning back..."); research a vendor payment issue and try to communicate clear instructions in a different way than the clear instructions I sent to them last week; curse Accounts Payable; ("Every time I look in the mirror, all these lines on my face getting clearer..."); ("You own the money, you control the witness..."); revise the prices on a purchase order; ("Now if you're feelin' kinda low 'bout the dues you been payin'..."); adjust part prices in stockroom database; ("You know what the midwest is? Young and restless...").

1:40 - 1:45 p.m. - Stop! Potty time! Then walk down to the windows and press my nose against the glass before returning to my desk. Contemplate the lack of Vitamin D in my life.

1:45 - 2:25 p.m. - Do more work stuff: ("I can play the guitar like a motherfuckin' riot."); adjust a purchase order; request tracking information for an overdue shipment from a supplier; ("She's a craze you'd endorse, she's a powerful force..."); complete a feedback survey for my manager; ("And she won't give up, cuz she's seventeen. She's a frozen fire..."); reconcile an on-time delivery report; ("Far four winds blow, there's trouble and it won't go..."); approve a Level 2 purchase order; ("I got the call today, didn't wanna hear, but I knew that it would come..."); make updates to yet another purchase order; look up status of requested order; ("And here's to you Mrs. Robinson, Jesus loves you more than you will know..."); make change to yet ANOTHER PO; ("Well I fight authority, authority always wins..."); research parts in inventory to see if we can share with another site in need; compile shipping memo to share parts; ("Oh what a night, late December back in '63..."); edit a form for a new part request.

2:25 p.m. - E-mail count is now down to 23, eleven of which are in "green flag" status (my code for "waiting for someone to get their thumb out of their butt and respond to me").

2:26 - 2:35 p.m. - Sigh heavily. Update this entry some more. Think about going home early, because, well, feh.

2:35 p.m. - Stop! Potty time! Which strangely coincided with fourteen other women's need to pee.

2:40 - 3:10 p.m. - Decide a mental break is in order. Read Draw the Girl. Read Body of Work. Check ICHC for new pics. Look at pictures of Chuck on Dooce. Go back to where I left off yesterday in my Colloquial archives.

3:10 - 3:15 p.m. - Talk to Calvin on the phone. He's mad at me because he wanted me to make ANOTHER phone call to the title company (we're still trying to get the "free and clear" title for Michael's motorcycle) to find out the status. I've mailed them once, faxed them twice, and had phone conversations with them FIVE different times. So today? I just... didn't. I don't know why, I just didn't do it.

3:15 - 3:45 p.m. - Talk to a manager at the Oregon AcronymCo plant. Discuss a training plan for a new buyer over there. Discuss plans with my manager. Decide upon a series of teleconferences rather than a face-to-face meeting.

3:45 p.m. - Close enough to 4:00. Shut down my computer, grab my stuff, and I'm outta here.

3:45 - 4:10 p.m. - Drive home, again listening to one of the TUS mix CD's. Arrive home, dump my bag on the bed, say hi to Calvin, get run over seven times by Portia saying "Hi! Hi! Hi there! Hi!" Change into comfy clothes.

4:11 p.m. - Lay down for "just a minute" on the very comfy bed.

5:14 p.m. - Wake up with a snort. Zoe prrrrowts in my ear. And touches me on the face with her wet nose. And pat-pats me on my face with her paw.

5:15 - 6:10 p.m. - Go out into the living room, sit on the couch and put Calvin's feet in my lap, tickle his feet while he naps. Watch last week's episode of Bones.

6:11 - 6:15 p.m. - Get a call from Marie about some "weird shape light thingy" lighting up on her dashboard. I have no idea.

6:15 - 7:35 p.m. - Ride the motorcycle over to DarkHorse with Calvin. Have some Moosedrool and some grub. Watch the Suns lose. Watch a couple of poker games going on in front of the bar. Get annoyed by the guy sitting next to us. Pay up and head home again.

7:35 - 9:00 p.m. - Hug Marie for cleaning the kitchen - a task I didn't look forward to doing when I got home. Be amused as she cannot stick with just washing the dishes, but also has to reorganize all of the cupboards and closets. Feed the dogs. Get the mail. Flip through "Cover and Bake" and "Baking Illustrated". Get the coffee ready for tomorrow. Change into my jammies. Sit on the couch typing this while half-watching "Let's Go To Prison". Shut down the snake's and beardies' tanks.

9:00 - 10:00 p.m. - Watch miscellaneous TV. Get Calvin's clothes together for work tomorrow. Put my breakfast and lunch together for tomorrow. Set the alarm. Go to bed.

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Thursday, September 27, 2007

Call for recipes

Hi gang. The holidays are coming (and the British, too!), have you heard? Fifty-six days until Thanksgiving, eighty-nine days until Christmas. The cooler weather (hah, and today it's 96 here in the A to tha Zona) always inspires me to cook more. I have a bunch of tried and true recipes that I consistently cycle through, and a bunch more in my Grandmother's recipe book that I have yet to try out. But I always like to ask readers to share with me. So if you have any favorite recipes that you'd like to share, e-mail them to me. Thanks!

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Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Kind of creepy

This site kind of creeps me out.

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Tuesday, June 12, 2007

stuff and awww and kvetching

Yesterday I dropped Calvin off at the airport, went to Trader Joe's and stocked up on salads for my lunches and dinners for this week (I do NOT cook for myself if I don't have to - this behavior hearkens back to when I was single and eating plates of asparagus for dinner), got home, folded/hung up/otherwise put away five loads of clean laundry, got the call from the company in Maine for me to fly out and interview with them next week, freaked out a little bit, did some work-work, washed and dried the sheets and put them back on the bed, talked to Calvin when he landed in Texas, did some more work-work, dusted and de-cluttered the bedroom, talked to Calvin as he was driving from the airport to his hotel, cleaned the kitchen for an HOUR (even though that is MICHAEL'S JOB but I was sick of seeing the mess after three days of not getting done and apparently the "talk" that Calvin had with him last week did LOADS of good), talked to Calvin when he got to his hotel room, worked out, fed the dogs, fed the cat, fed the lizards, fed myself, talked to Calvin while he was at a restaurant eating his dinner, read off and on, got the coffee ready for the morning, packed my lunch for the next day, read some more, talked to Calvin before he went to bed, then went to bed myself at about 9:30.

When Calvin is away I tend to keep myself busy. Tonight I plan on giving the dogs a bath, moving Lucy to her own tank because Cheeto keeps picking on her, watching the next disc in season two of Battlestar Galactica, and probably reading some more.

As of yesterday, Marie is officially moved out. I say officially, even though she's been pretty much living with her boyfriend for a couple of months, because she removed all of her clothing, her stereo, and her snake. She and her boyfriend are sharing a house with another friend of theirs (they were staying at his mom's house before), about two minutes away from our house. She doesn't want me to come over and see their place until "everything is put away and set up and CLEAN". Heh. They went shopping for towels and linens and bedding yesterday. Heh again. I remember when that kind of stuff used to be sooooo coooool. Playing house is fun, in the beginning.

I haven't seen much of Michael since he got his motorcycle back up and running on Sunday night. I'm kind of annoyed at him right now, for the whole not-doing-the-kitchen thing, among other things. Calvin's talking-to should have had him stepping up and doing his chores and LOOKING for other things to do around the house, just to please us. I also researched and printed up a LOOOONG list of potential jobs that he could be applying to, since he doesn't make enough at his current job to enable him to move out, and he didn't seem inclined to do the research himself. To my knowledge, he hasn't followed up on any of those. Calvin told Michael that he had to be out by August 31st, and that we needed to see a plan from him on how he's going to be out by then. So far, not a peep of what he's done or what he's doing or what he's going to do. When he is around, he's either asleep or upstairs with his girlfriend. When he isn't around, he's either at work or hanging out elsewhere with his girlfriend.

So, I am frustrated. It got to the point a long time ago where I am just as civil to him as the situation warrants, but I don't go out of my way to talk or be nice or much of anything. My shoulders creep up to my ears and my neck ceases up when I hear him come home, and I pretty much just want to close myself in my bedroom and avoid dealing with him altogether. I feel guilty for feeling this way, until I remind myself that his behavior has eroded away my good regard of him until there is not much left but this feeling I have right now.

Michael is the type of person where you can have a "talk" with him, and even yell at him, and even maybe have an argument, and the next day (sometimes that very same day) he will expect everything to be just dandy. As if to say, "What, you're still mad at me? But that was yesterday." He's been eroding away my good regard for a long time, so it's going to take the same amount of time on good behavior to get my good regard back. I don't think he understands this.

And according to my estimation, "good behavior" hasn't even started yet. The issues I've mentioned here are not an all-inclusive list, to be sure.

I haven't been writing about this because I don't want him to read it and get his feelings hurt. But dammit, MY feelings are hurt - have been GETTING hurt for months now - and this is my journal, and I'm not saying anything OF him that hasn't been said TO him, so here I am.

I feel a little bit better now.

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Thursday, June 07, 2007

Utterly baffled

"By the fall of 2006, Crocs' first full year of earnings reports as a public company showed that it was a phenomenal grower, and that it wasn't just generating profit-less revenue like an empty-headed dot-com. It was making massive fistfuls of money with its wacky little shoes. Check this out: In 2002, records show the company earned a gross profit of $1,000. In 2003, $27,000. In 2004, $6.3 million. In 2005, $60.8 million. In 2006, $200.6 million."

For the love of God, people, why??? Why on Earth are these FUGLY shoes so damned popular??

Thanks to Blurbomat for the link to the article.

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Thursday, May 31, 2007

Stalling

I have a tedious and time consuming task to complete at work, and I am stalling (briefly) by writing an entry.

Michael (and, we suspect, a friend) drank all of Calvin's beer and the rest of his whiskey last night after we went to bed. That is a foul of major proportions and the child shall be spoken to this evening.

I am tired of juggling around my laptop, my purse, and my lunch bag as I go to and from work. Therefore, I purchased this, in navy. I was going to purchase this, but it wouldn't fit my lunch bag. Mama's gotta eat.

I heart eBags.

My Assessment of Prior Learning evaluation came back, and the stuff I learned at AcronymCo equates to 12 credits toward my degree. I think I'm done now, with the exception of maybe one or two last classes. Woot!

Calvin is leaving on a business trip for a week, in mid-June (is there a less cumbersome way to write that sentence?). That is poopy. But! I can cook "weird" things for dinner and watch reruns of CSI and Grey's Anatomy till the cows come home.

I got Calvin a 6-month subscription to the Beer of the Month Club for Father's Day. If Michael drinks those, he's a dead man.

I also bought something for our upcoming (five year!) anniversary, which I am eager to see how it turned out. Once I am no longer in danger of spoiling the surprise (say, in a week when I get it, even though our anniversary isn't until the 29th but you all KNOW how I can't keep a present from the person it's intended for until the date it's intended for) I'll tell you all about it.

Don't people that whistle tunelessly bother the HELL out of you? Once again I am turning in desperation to my iPod. I HATE working in a cubicle. But! I heart Luther Vandross. And also the new Finger Eleven CD that I bought.

Marie says she is moving out in two weeks. While not unexpected, it still comes as a shock to contemplate the thought that our youngest child is grown up enough to be on her own. Any danger (hah!) of empty-nest syndrome is unfortunately effectively crushed by the reminder that Michael ain't going anywhere until we're, like, retired.

Marie and her boyfriend, typical of all young couples eager to be all grown up and play house, have purchased a puppy from the local shelter (quoth Marie, "Hey, better a puppy than a baby!"). A very cute and sweet little pit-bull mix, who very kindly shared her kennel cough with Gadget and Gypsy.

Sigh.

Okay, I have to get crap done. Sigh again.

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Thursday, April 26, 2007

Save "Drive"

Fox Broadcasting is canceling "Drive". If you love like we do, sign the petition to keep it on the air. Not that these petitions ever work, but it's worth a shot. I can think of so many other shows that are still on the air that should certainly be canned over this one!!! I mean hell, they moved Raines and Ghost Whisperer to Friday nights, and they're still on...

Thanks to Jen for the link and head's up.

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Friday, April 20, 2007

Interviewed

Crystal interviewed ME because she loves ME and only ME and no one ELSE but ME except maybe her dog Moose.

1. I’ve read your goddess journal with regard to your illness (btw, update it more, I am so sure!) and want to know: how are you feeling? How are things with your health?

I am feeling much, much better. The proton pump flux capacitor photon torpedo inhibitors (aka: Protonix) seem to be doing the trick with the ol' pancreatitis. I haven't had any caffeine or alcohol since April 1st. Or jalapenos, or raw onions, or really anything else that encourages the pancreatitis to flare up. I shall continue to behave myself until the end of July, at which time a) the doctor says I should be fine to re-introduce the "no-no" items in moderate quantities; and b) Calvin and I are going to the Oregon Brewer's Festival and all non-drinking bets will be off.

On Monday I'm getting the much-delayed MRI, just to make sure it's just ("just"! Hah!) pancreatitis, and not something else like stones in the bile ducts and whatnot.

2. How did you meet your loving man?

Calvin and I met at work, and the sheer odds that we met at all are staggering. I had just moved 3000 miles to Arizona. I got a temp job working at AcronymCo, for a construction company building one of their office buildings. Calvin worked in Facilities for AcronymCo itself, and was one of the folks assigned to the new building project. My boss very randomly assigned me to go out to the newly constructed Mechanical Support Building and monitor the building controls alarms coming in as the systems were set up. Calvin was the go-to guy on AcronymCo's behalf for these systems. So I sat in the MSB office and called back alarms via the walkie talkie, and he came in and sat down at another workstation. We chatted and flirted, he typed "696969" on the calculator I was using and slid it over in front of me (SUCH a Calvin move you have no idea), I laughed at his dorky audacity, and it was all over but the cryin' at that point.

For those of you following along at home, yes I met him very soon after moving to Arizona, and yes that means that I was still married at the time to X(m), and Calvin was still married to X(f). But this is indeed how we met.

3. Which is better, America’s Next Top Model or Project Runway, and why? Answer wisely.

Oh geez. There's going to be trouble in our innernet lesbian marriage now. Crystal is NOT going to be happy to find out that I don't watch either one of these. Reality shows just pretty much drive me crazy. I can't see the point to them at all.

4. Is Oprah Winfrey Jesus or the Devil, and why?

Well, Crystal, since you said your own self that you and Jesus are one and the everlovin same, that must make Oprah the Devil by default. Do you see? I PAY ATTENTION.

5. Name the last three books you read that really impressed you---NON-FICTION.

A Year in the Maine Woods by Bernd Heinrich. I really enjoyed this book for multiple reasons. First, of course, is because it's about Maine. As I grew up in the Maine woods, the subject matter resonated with me. The second appeal the book had for me is that I have always wanted to take a hiatus from life and just escape to a simple place and live a simple life. Heinrich immerses himself in the natural world, the simple culture, and the rhythms of the forest for an entire year. Reading about it made me jealous of his opportunity, to be honest.

America - The Book by John Stewart. This counts as non-fiction, right? Even though Stewart pretty much bastardizes historic fact? This thing had me laughing my ass off throughout. I mean, just the fact that the layout, dimensions, and even the paper it's printed on is EXACTLY like a high-school history book, was hysterical. Then there's all these little asides (i.e.: "see fig. 1") about the personal (and questionable) life and motivations of historic people... well, not everyone will "get" this book, but it appeals to my sense of humor. And John Stewart is damnsexy.

River Town: Two Years on the Yangtze by Peter Hessler. I bought this book because I was doing a paper on the Yangtze River for my college class on Pacific Rim culture. I really didn't expect to like this book as much as I did. It's about two young men in the Peace Corps that went to Fuling, China (along the Yangtze River) who stayed for two years as teachers at the local college. They were very American and foreign (the first foreigners to be in that area of China for 50 years), and hijinx ensued as they tried to fit into the local culture.

And you all thought I only read trashy romance novels. Shame on you.

Okay! If anybody would like me to interview them, leave me a comment or shoot me an e-mail!

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Saturday, April 14, 2007

Bloggin' and jammin'

Calvin and I got up at a reasonably reasonable time this morning, put off the inevitable for as long as we possibly could, then cleaned the hell out of the house. Listening to tunes and working together, the task becomes almost (but not quite, entirely unlike) entertaining. We followed that with a ride on Calvin's motorcycle up to Kona Grill for some sushi (do you SEE how I'm rubbing off of him??? He actually ATE SUSHI. I CAN DO ANYTHING.) Reluctant to go home after that, we rode over to the Tilted Kilt for some patio time, a beer for Calvin, and an iced tea for me.

Ever since I got sick back on the first of the month (happy fucking April Fools), I haven't had anything alcoholic to drink at all. I thought it would suck worse than this. HAH! I can stop any time I want to. Now, the heroin on the other hand...

I'm feeling a lot better, and the release from the constant pain that hung with me is such a relief, you have no idea. I was supposed to have an MRI to further investigate my innards, but I haven't heard back from my health insurance to get their approval. Fucking HMO's. I could be DYING ("You're not dying, you just can't think of anything good to do.") and bleeding out my eyes, and they'd still delay on the tests I need.

Anyway, right now Calvin's taking a nap, the house is quiet with the absence of the offspring, I've got my headphones plugged into my laptop jamming iTunes, and I'm working on playlists that I can burn to CD once I finally get another stash of blanks. There are so many great new songs out there, I'm going to have to make a "Mixiness 2007" mix CD. Plus another dual disc project - Disc 1 will be all thrash and jam and be named "Crack Pipe". Disc 2 will be mellow and feel good and be named "Peace Pipe". I am damn good at this stuff.

Newest downloads:

Paralyzer - Finger Eleven ("If your body matches what your eyes can do, you'll probably move right through me on my way to you.")
Girlfriend - Avril Lavingne ("Hell yeah, I'm the motherfuckin' Princess.")
Read My Mind - The Killers ("I never really gave up on breaking out of this two-star town.")
Makes Me Wonder - Maroon 5 (AWESOME SONG) ("God damn, my spinning head. Decisions that made my bed, now I must lay in it and deal with things I left unsaid.")

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Thursday, March 29, 2007

Please, make the lambs stop screaming.

What a fucking day.

I'm covering for Jen, who is on vacation. It is all her fault that I'm having a fucked day.

Heh. Not really, but it makes me feel better to blame her.

Really, the stuff I'm covering is not hers yet, it belongs to another person who is leaving soon and for whom Jen will be taking over - who is also on vacation, as it happens. So really? It's all her fault.

There, now I made Jen feel better, too. Speaking ill of a person makes their ears burn... does typing ill of them make their fingers burn? Or no, to follow that analogy to its logical conclusion, it would have to be their eyes that burn. Thus I ponder.

I wonder what it is about covering for someone that makes everything go wrong at once the moment their Out Of Plant notice is up? I swear, at one point I was e-mailing, talking on the phone, and conducting two separate IM conversations, all about different things that were going wrong at the same time. I'm not even kidding.

I would speak more about what makes work so fucked, but I'm trying to avoid getting dooced. (And yes, I searched Wikipedia to see if someone had written a definition of my website. Alas, nothing. I am, I admit, not as interesting as Heather and do not deserve to impact cultural slang.)

But, the salad I'm eating for lunch is making me happy. Spinach and lettuce and candied pecans and dried cranberries and diced chicken and diced melon and poppyseed dressing and cubed swiss cheese. Gastronomical goodness. Though something this calorie-laden should not be termed a salad. It's misleading.

And yet, I eat.

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Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Songs I bet you haven't heard in a long time.

Courtesy of my iPod:

"In the Meantime" - Spacehog
"Through the Wire" - Kanye West
"You Get What You Give" - New Radicals
"Sweet Caroline" - Neil Diamond
"Epic" - Faith No More
"Mmm mmm mmm" - Crash Test Dummies
"I'm a Loser Baby" - Beck
"Walking on Sunshine" - Katrina and the Waves
"Glory Days" - Bruce Springstein
"Santa Monica" - Everclear
"Rockafeller Skank" - Fatboy Slim
"These are the Days" - 10,000 Maniacs
"Steal My Sunshine" - Len
"There She Goes" - Sixpence None The Richer
"All Night Long" - Lionel Richie
"On the Dark Side" - Eddie and the Cruisers
"Brown Eyed Girl" - Van Morrison
"Ain't Too Proud to Beg" - The Temptations
"Never" - Heart
"What I got" - Sublime
"Hanging by a Moment" - Lifehouse
"Interstate Love Song" - Stone Temple Pilots
"Smooth" - Santana

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Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Oof

The only thing that is getting me through this day is knowing that, after my 2:00 doctor's appointment, I am going HOME and I am taking a NAP.

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Sunday, March 11, 2007

Huh.

In adding yet MORE stuff to my sidebar (see new "Advocate" section), I realized just how entertained a person could be, for hours, just following all the links on my sidebar.

Not that the site content itself isn't entertaining enough, but damn, that sidebar is just all juicy and well rounded.

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Friday, March 09, 2007

I am an arms dealer fitting you with weapons in the form of words

Bringing you the world of miscellany, one entry at a time.

Ladies and gentlemen, my new favorite song (from whence the title came): "This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race" by Fallout Boy.

This right here is just all fucked up.

I'm stuck at work. Calvin is home right now, and he gosh darn well better be installing our new dishwasher. Maytag. Purchase inspired by the aforementioned washer and dryer lurve.

Here ye, here ye, Dawn says she's going to be writing again, once she comes back from a vacation to N'awlins. We'll just see about that, the damn tease. That's right, missy! You're a T-to tha-E-to tha-ASE. Word.

I am about to seriously RIP MY NOSE OFF. I moved to Arizona expecting my allergies to improve. Because, you know, that's just the sort of false advertising the AZ Chamber of Commerce likes to indulge in, to lure in us transplants. Check this out, just to be able to, you know, breathe while trying to go to sleep last night, I had to blow my nose seventy bazillion times, take two different kinds of nasal spray, take my inhaler, AND apply a Breathe Right strip. And I was still jacked up. That's just all kinds of messed up, right there.

Okay, that was weird. I just got off the phone with one of my suppliers - someone I speak with infrequently and only briefly, all about business matters. The conversation went a little something like this:

me: "Hey, what can I do for you?"
him: "I gave up sex for Lent!"
me: "Uhhh, good for you?"

Hmm. I'm sure professional courtesy is not high up on that person's list of amenable qualities. That was just really strange.

Yeah, I got nuthin' else. Calvin and I are supposed to go to Sedona this weekend. I'll probably take pictures. I posted some pics of our trip to the Ren Fair to Flickr if anybody wants to stare at corseted boobies.

Laura OUT.

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Thursday, February 22, 2007

Nations go to war over women like me

Calvin turned me onto this group called "Blue October". I really like their song, "Into the Ocean" and I highly recommend it to iPod owners everywhere.

Ho.ly. Shit. I pulled my credit report and Calvin's credit report from Equifax, with the intent of cleaning things up, making sure our identities are not being thieved, etc. My report is 73 pages long. Calvin's is just as long but I'm not going to count the exact number of pages in his packet because doing that once in my lifetime is enough. Now begins the exciting work of looking at every single entry, verifying the information, and then contesting the crap entries with the THREE reporting agencies. Who use different forms to contest things. Oh, my life is so. much. fun.

Some things:

Britney Spears' hair, or lack thereof. She figures she's been out of the news for long enough, so now she has to do something to get back into the public eye that doesn't involve bodily endangering her children (this time). And also, she's an idiot. And probably drug addicted. But mostly, she's an idiot.

Sting should totally bag the whole rock-n-roll bit and stick entirely to singing in Gaelic. However, he has my permission to delay this genre switcheroo long enough to go on his reunion with The Police. Tickets go on sale Monday...

OH! Speaking of reunions, Genesis is getting back together, complete with Phil Collins. You've GOT to know that we'll be snarfing up tickets as soon as they're available.

I approve of reunion tours, much more than repeating a "farewell tour" six or seven times (Cher, I'm looking at you).

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Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Da doo doo doo, da daa daa daa, is all I want to say to you

Calvin will need to decide if he wants a skinny chick, or a chick who drinks. Because, unfortunately (and hopefully only temporarily), he can't have both. I've been cutting back on my drinking to aid in the shrinkage of Ye Olde Waystelyne, and every time I refuse a beer or a whisky or a wine, he looks at me all cock-eyed.

I still accept all offers of heroin, however. Heroin = skinny!

Today is Wednesday. I've almost made it to Thursday. Or, as I call it, "Grey's Anatomy-day". I have some predictions that I have voiced to my family members. I have an uncanny ability to predict what's going to happen in a TV show or movie. If my predictions for Thursday's episode come true, my streak as Head Idiot Savant remains unbroken.

It's a toss-up in our household as to which animal is the most stupid. Gadget and the Waterdragon Currently Known As Nameless are neck-and-neck. Gadget, with his busted out back and his propensity toward seizures, still operates under a single speed - breakneck. When we let him in, I can't count the number of blow outs he has as he skitters around on the floor. He also growls and bites at Gypsy's ass whenever we let them in, and again when we let them out. It's like a compulsion. The waterdragon, on the other hand, leaps directly at the walls of his plexiglass enclosure with startling force. We can hear him hit from our bedroom - the kids can hear him hit from their bedrooms, upstairs. He'll climb up to a perch, leap soaringly into the air, THUNK! against the glass and plummet to Earth, sit on the bottom of the enclosure for a moment contemplating his aching nose, then climb back up and do it again. Over. And over. And over. I think the winner of the Stupid Pet Award goes to both of them. There can be a tie, right?

Many other journalers are doing this, so I am getting freaky with the bandwagoning. If there are any topics anyone would like me to post about, please e-mail me and I will endeavor to be entertaining, yet poignant. And also fabulous.

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Saturday, February 17, 2007

Rhapsody in Crystal

I must once again rhapsodize in the wonder that is Crystal. If there were ever any being on this Earth that would make me turn lesbian (or, as it is said in this household, Lebesian (leh-bee-shen)), it would be Crystal. If Crystal sold swag on her website - bitty St. Francis statues that look a little like her, or sweatshirts that have "What Would Crystal Do?" on the back - I would totally buy that stuff. If Crystal were going to visit my house I would fret for days and clean a million times and worry that the fondue wasn't fonduey enough. And then when she got here I would just drool and blurt, "Shiny!" at random intervals.

If I wrote a book, I would dedicate it to Crystal. If I had a girl child (or a puppy) I would name it Crystal. Do you begin to feel my Crystal love, friends? Like Gatorade, is it in you?

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Friday, February 16, 2007

Geez

Okay, how I'm supposed to make it until the next Grey's Anatomy episode is beyond me.

I'm only a little, teeny, tiny bit obsessed.

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Friday, February 02, 2007

More with the randomness

Today is Grammy's birthday.

It occurred to me that I achieved the pinnacle of redneckedness (rednekkidness?) at one point in my teenage years, and I could have died then a fulfilled woman, had I realized it. This pinnacle? That I have actually ridden in a car whose bucket seats were actual buckets. Beat that, Foxworthy.

To the anonymous commenter who said that Calvin and I would not be able to "handle" the sobriety mandatory for the running of a Bed and Breakfast: who says sobriety is necessary? We're very functional drunks, thankyouverymuch. Now, if we could just kick the heroin...

We dropped our taxes off today. I'm bracing myself for a spanking from the IRS. We file at the earliest possible moment each year just to get the pain over with. The anticipation is usually worse than the reality. Yet, not this year, I fear.

I have read twenty books in the one month that is 2007. And yet, I have managed to keep the house (somewhat) clean (hush, Calvin), stay on top of all of my work at AcronymCo, gather all of our tax crap together, watch copious amounts of television, participate in the lecturing of the children, spend quality time with Calvin, go out to eat a bunch of times, manage our finances, go for a bunch of motor rides, download many songs for my iPod, keep up on my regular journal reads, post in this journal quite a bit, and take naps. I think that while reading I have an unconscious ability to stop time, so that entire books can be consumed while no actual time is expended. Hey! I'm like Hiro Nakamura! Yatta!

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Thursday, February 01, 2007

The power you're supplyin', it's electrifyin'.

Randomly with all the randomness:

A surefire way to improve one's mood at work is to listen to the Grease! Soundtrack.

Sometimes I put my iPod on at work out of sheer self-defense. Kitty-corner in one direction is a cube neighbor who has the MOST ANNOYING AND LOUDEST VOICE EVER. Kitty-corner in the other direction is a cube neighbor whose cell phone is CONSTANTLY ringing, and she's never there to answer it. And it's got a very annoying ring tone.

Song change! "Oh let the sun beat down upon my face..."

I have a lighthouse-themed calendar on my cubicle wall. It makes me happy. All lighthouses are automated now, but I really wish they were still manned. Calvin and I would make excellent lighthouse keepers.

If I say that I don't like how a movie ended, it's because the wrong person died, or the guy didn't get the girl, or the horse/dog/cat/monkey bit it. Case in point: City of Angels = WORST MOVIE EVER, GODDAMMIT. Flyboys = the ending wasn't completely awful, but didn't make me particularly happy either. 8 Below = I won't even watch it.

Song change! "I need direction to perfection, no no no no help me out..."

My idea of a day perfectly spent is to wake up in the morning with Calvin, get ourselves together and go get some breakfast (iHop crepes!). Then come back home, lock ourselves in the bedroom, indulge in some playtime, and take a nap. Then wake up, run to BevMo to stock up the fridge in the bedroom, lock ourselves in again for some more playtime, then lay around nekkid talking and swigging. Raid the kitchen (well, put some robes on first) for some munchies, pile back into the bedroom, snuggle and watch bad TV, playtime, nap. Alone. Uninterrupted.

The bad thing about noise-cancelling headphones is that one's boss can enter one's cubicle unheard while one is indulging in a sanity-keeping blogger post.

Our children are very bad at keeping up on their chores. Well, chore, singular. They're supposed to switch off on the upkeep of the kitchen (dishes, trash, etc.). Sometimes it'll get done five days in a row, other times it'll sit for three days, get done, sit for two more days... grr. It's the ONLY thing we ask them to do around the house. Grr again. I kvetch because I had to wash out my travel mug for the third morning in a row, this morning.

Song change! "...you're so exotic show me where you're comin' from..."

Song change! "Sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell."

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Sunday, January 21, 2007

Righteous

PBS has broadcast a night with Peter Frampton on their program "Soundstage". This guy could still totally sell out arenas; he's fantastic and hasn't lost anything since his heyday.

Plus, he's hot for an old guy. I mean, he doesn't at all look like the poster that my sister used to have on her bedroom wall (I think everybody had that poster), but still. He's a hottie.

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Thursday, January 11, 2007

Dear Mr. Bush,

I'm sorry, I guess I wasn't listening closely enough. What was your exit strategy, again? I caught the part about more troops who will be allowed to patrol and act in more areas of the country, I caught the part about how you want us to be patient, and I caught the part about how you want the Iraqis to step up and manage their own country. I even caught the part about how you listened very nicely and then turned down two different recommended exit strategies.

Oh wait, that's RIGHT. You're putting together a taskforce. Well, THAT ought to get the job done.

Sheesh. What a completely worthless speech.

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Tuesday, December 26, 2006

In case you haven't heard the news...

... book seven is called, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows".

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