Detox: Day 5
Ugh.
I hope this is the worst day of this whole thing.
Ugh. Oh wait, I already said that.
I can barely even type this without doing that whole squicked out heavey thing. Those of you who know Calvin know what I'm talking about. How he can think himself into the dry heaves? Yeah.
Epsom salts. Oh God, Epsom salts. Oh God oh god ohgod ohgod ohgodohgodohgod.
So here are the instructions for the fifth and final day of the L&GF:
8:00, check. Healthy breakfast of Kashi, banana, strawberries, and blueberries mixed with yogurt. 12:00, check. Semi-healthy lunch of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on wheat. Saturday, check.
2:00, check. Salts dissolved in water, check. First gulp...
ohgodohgodohgodohgod
You mean I have to drink the rest of it?
Another gulp. I almost, but not quite, threw up.
A third gulp. Tears from my eyes, but I refused to believe that I was actually crying. I dumped the rest out. Then went to lay down, and slept for two hours.
(no liquid, BTW)
Okay. Okay? Okay. It's okay. I only do one tablespoon this time. Last time was two. So I just dissolve it in as much water and it should taste half as bad, right?
Not so right. I came closer to throwing up, this time. But I didn't cry. I'm a wooooman... W - O - M - A - N.
I'm gritting my teeth as I type this.
This is the part I'm on next, right after I post this entry. The reward for almost making epsom salt water come out my nose, probably. I mixed strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries in a bowl. I'm actually looking forward to it.
Someone tell me again why the FUCK am I doing this to myself???
Ugh.
I hope this is the worst day of this whole thing.
Ugh. Oh wait, I already said that.
I can barely even type this without doing that whole squicked out heavey thing. Those of you who know Calvin know what I'm talking about. How he can think himself into the dry heaves? Yeah.
Epsom salts. Oh God, Epsom salts. Oh God oh god ohgod ohgod ohgodohgodohgod.
So here are the instructions for the fifth and final day of the L&GF:
"On the fifth day, eat a healthy breakfast at 8 a.m. and lunch at 12 p.m. It is best to do this on a Saturday or Sunday."
8:00, check. Healthy breakfast of Kashi, banana, strawberries, and blueberries mixed with yogurt. 12:00, check. Semi-healthy lunch of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on wheat. Saturday, check.
"At 2 p.m., drink 2 tablespoons of Epsom Salts dissolved in warm, purified water (optional, but preferred – be near a bathroom when drinking the Epsom Salts as it will cause liquid stool (ew) within 20-30 minutes usually)."
2:00, check. Salts dissolved in water, check. First gulp...
ohgodohgodohgodohgod
You mean I have to drink the rest of it?
Another gulp. I almost, but not quite, threw up.
A third gulp. Tears from my eyes, but I refused to believe that I was actually crying. I dumped the rest out. Then went to lay down, and slept for two hours.
(no liquid, BTW)
"At 5 p.m., drink 1 tablespoon of Epsom Salts dissolved in warm water (again, optional, but preferred)."
Okay. Okay? Okay. It's okay. I only do one tablespoon this time. Last time was two. So I just dissolve it in as much water and it should taste half as bad, right?
Not so right. I came closer to throwing up, this time. But I didn't cry. I'm a wooooman... W - O - M - A - N.
I'm gritting my teeth as I type this.
"At 7 p.m., eat a dinner of heavy whipping cream and fresh berries – as much as desired. (For better flavor, combine the berries in a bowl with a teaspoon of natural sugar and let them sit overnight. Whip the cream in a large bowl just before serving. Mix the whipped cream and berries together to make a parfait.)"
This is the part I'm on next, right after I post this entry. The reward for almost making epsom salt water come out my nose, probably. I mixed strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries in a bowl. I'm actually looking forward to it.
"At bedtime, drink 3/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil. A small amount (1/4 cup) of freshly squeezed orange, grapefruit, or lemon juice may be added if desired. Immediately after drinking the oil, go to bed and lie on your right side with knees drawn up to your stomach for 30 minutes. You may feel nauseated during the night. This is due to the release of stored toxins from the gallbladder and liver. This is normal and a sign that the protocol is working. If you feel the need to vomit, do so, as this is a normal release of toxins."
Someone tell me again why the FUCK am I doing this to myself???
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