(warning, some of this stuff might be kinda ew)

I've been thinking about doing a body detoxification for a long time (I have good reason to suspect that I really need one - but when you think about it, who doesn't?). I did a lot of research over quite a few months... all the "Hollywood" power cleanses that roto-rooter you out and make you lose ten pounds in an hour, the soak in Epsom salts and drink nothing but grapefruit juice for a week thing, the "Mind Over Body: You are the Boss of Your Colon" meditation method. I was pretty much fed up and rather annoyed by the lack of non-zelotous information out there. Then early this week I came across this process.

It's kind of a complicated process that involves including different dosages of different supplements at specific times, but all of the testimonials and doctor's supportive contents convinced me to give it a shot. Hey, if the Wall Street Journal is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

However, it also does NOT sound like a process for the weak and/or squeamish. Both of which I am. But I shall brave it all for the sake of you, my loyal (and pretty!) readers. What, you didn't think I'd go through all this shit (heh) and not tell you allllll about it, did you?

Basically, the person performs a 6-day liver and gallbladder flush that removes calcium and fats from the arteries, and actually forces stored waste, bile, and stones from the gallbladder and liver. Which are things that certainly don't sound like I need.

Then the person goes on a seven day initial cleanse that rids them of, well, years of stored up McDonalds food, buffalo wings, potato chips, and various other kinds of foods of questionable nutritional value. All that deep-fried processed goodness. Mmmm... Anyway, after the seven day cleanse, the person goes on a maintenance dose to, uh, keep things moving along.

Is anybody else here picturing The Road to Wellville? Because I sure am.

Once on the maintenance dose, the person takes another supplement that flushes the body of parasites. Here's a fun fact for you - did you know that 90% of the world's population has a least one form of parasite living in their body? That's according to the FDA, right there. You'd think they'd get that little fact out in the public eye more often. Sort of a Public Service Announcement, if you will... "Hi, this is your friendly neighborhood FDA agent, here to tell you that there could be a parasite peeking out of your butt right this very moment! Hurry, get the mirror!"

They seem to be fairly easy to get rid of, anyway, since one only has to take that supplement for 6 weeks.

Are we having fun yet?

Once beyond the six weeks, the person starts taking yet another supplement that encourages the growth, health, and balance of the body's "natural flora", the bacteria and whatnot that exist in "the body's vast internal ecosystem".

That's the whole "flush". You can maintain with the Oxy-Powder, lowering the daily intake until you find the right balance for you. Same with the Latero-Flora. Then do the liver/gallbladder flush and the Parabuster once every six months, to maintain "optimal health".

If this stuff does all the things the website says it's supposed to do, a person can expect to be free of allergies, digestive problems, skin problems, fatigue, headaches, YI's, UTI's, anxiety, mental imbalance, asthma, immune deficiency, low levels of cellular oxygen, gallstones, liver stones, worms, and critters. Plus they can expect to lose several pounds of "waste" that's been accumulated over a lifetime.

Sounds terribly attractive, doesn't it? And you shall live it all along with me. If the stuff gets here on time, I'm starting next Tuesday. I KNOW I'm not the only one out there interested in doing a detox, so I can go through the process for you first to see if it's worth it.

Don't worry, though. I'll spare you any pictures. I do draw the whole "sharing too much" line somewhere.

Posted by Laura on Sunday, June 26, 2005 at 11:30 AM | Permalink